I apologize for the lack of updating, I have recently been experimenting with the wondrous world of video blogging. So far I have made two, although neither have come out particularly great. Hopefully tonight’s will come along slightly better. Maybe I’ll have another song to sing! Remind me to post the lyrics up here some time. They’re pretty good if I may say so myself. Not really, though. You can watch at www.myspace.com/earthyeyes. Although I think you have to add me as a friend first.

So I’ve been talking to a few people and I don’t think I am going to get fined for putting the wrong change in the tolls. Like I said, it’s not the money I’m worried about it’s the fact that my mother is going to know I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. That’ll teach me to lie to her again. Eesh.

I am actually writing this from a school computer ( good ol’ MCC ) to kill time before class. I have to give a math presentation today. Not going to be fun since I have no idea what I am really talking about. Usually I’m excited to give presentations but math is not my forte. Give me literature, music and Farm Aid! Sorry. I’ve noticed that my writing has been getting increasingly sloppy. This is beginning to feel like a very generic blog. Next thing you know I’ll be TYPing liek dIs an USIn’ da slAng wordZ. Please kill me if that every happens, ok? Much appreciated. I need to start writing again, really writing.

I’ve also been looking into colleges again. I feel like I’m back in high school, all this college searching and whatnot. Granted, I will more than likely end up attending UMASS Lowell, simply because of convenience and price. And because my father refuses to let me live away from home again. I’m still not sure what I want to even major in. I am completely torn between English and Environmental Science. I know I could major/minor but that will get really demanding considering I will be doing Education and doing student teaching. Also, since I fucked up so bad at Dartmouth I’ll will no doubt have to go to school for 5 years, 4.5 if I’m extremely lucky. So once again, price is a factor. I started thinking about MCLA (Mass College of Liberal Arts) again. It is fairly inexpensive to go there, even with room and board. Still…will my parents be willing to dish out 13,000 vs. 8,000? Mom would, but I doubt dad will. So I’ve been thinking of ways to pay myself. I have a 1,200 dollar scholarship from SCA that I can use anytime. That’s a semester of books, or a meal plan, right there. I will hopefully be working at the NPS again. Last year’s pay totaled to about 2,000 but the pay might be more or less this year, that’s still up in the air. So that’s 3,200 which can pay half of room/board or half tuition. I figure if I do really well at MCC I should get a GPA of around 3.0 (which is not hard for me to achieve. I’m not trying to sound conceited but I’m not stupid and the classes are fairly easy). So that would qualify me for a merit scholarship, hopefully. And that can be anywhere from 700-3000. Which would be lovely. I could always get a job down there…er, over there (it’s in western MA) but work really does distract me from studies. Unless I could get a weekend only job at one of the local art places. Did I mention North Adams is such an artsy town? The school is literally in the center of the town. Around there is coffee shops, art gallerias and several theaters. Plus it’s in the Berkshires. Berkshires!!! Mountains!!! Nature! Oh the love.

Well, I’m going to be late to class if I don’t wrap this up. Later my dears.

Well now I’m dying from Sharpie fume inhalation. So here’s some lyrics to hold you over until I catch my breath…

“You’re a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you’re back is the latest trend
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you “

Um…<3!

Yea you know it’s for you.

And as a final note…

I just got back from Meg’s party. Um. Awesome x a millon. Driving two hours to pick up a friend I haven’t seen since graduation was awesome enough, then going to Meg’s and seeing more people I miss is even better. Yes. The trio was back together for a night. Rob. Sam. Me. It was AP English all over again…..and it was super. I miss those two so much and it was just amazing seeing them again. Not to mention Meg and her friends. So great. Funny stories and bad horror movies are so boss. I apologize that this entry is so poorly written and constructed but shit I’m so tired. And I have tons of homework to do tomorrow. That sucks. But…this week won’t be too bad, what with only one class Monday and the wellness festival on Wednesday. Yay for my puppy getting to visit me at school. Hopefully the snow won’t ruin my Friday plans…again. Hittin’ up Headlines with Marie and doing hell knows what. So great. I’m so lacking good vocabulary right now. Caffeine crash right now no doubt.

Meh. Waiting for Ian to pop online so I can say hi and not waste money on texting. So tired though….

Oh sweet. He’s on.

Night darlings.

Uh. Awesome.

I’m such a fucking hippie.

Ain’t so bad after all.

My parents are working things out.

I’m over Andy.

I’ve really reconnected with my Sister and I can’t wait to visit her during my Spring Break.

I’m getting some self esteem back.

I’m almost positive I’ll be working with Sharon, Jim, and Tom again this summer.

Which means good pay and Indigo Girls.

And I can start saving for California.

How much this hurts.

I love you.  Please remember that, if nothing else.

myself that I would not get worked up over Valentines Day or anything love-related. Well the day is almost officially over and I hate to do it but I must break that promise. FUCK YOU and EVERYTHING you’re worth, which isn’t a hell of a lot. I hope you’re fucking happy with every shitty decision you make.

“He glanced at the girl lying asleep on one of the twin beds. Then he went over to one of the pieces of luggage, opened it, and from under a pile of shorts and undershirts he took out an Ortgies calibre 7.65 automatic. He released the magazine, looked at it, then reinserted it. He cocked the piece. Then he went over and sat down on the unoccupied twin bed, looked at the girl, aimed the pistol, and fired a bullet through his right temple.”

- J.D. Salinger

I could go on and on how tomorrow is clearly the worst day known to mankind. I could write about how it is such a fake holiday, how the only people who benefit from it are the ones who work for Hallmark. I could probably write a dissertation on how completely miserable I will be tomorrow. It’s even a possibility that I could be happy tomorrow, but I think that would only be a paragraph’s worth of words (that paragraph most likely being on how happy I am to stuff my face with chocolates). But not. I will not write such things. Instead my darling readers, I have left you the final paragraph of “A Perfect Day for Bananafish”. The last paragraph is, as you can gather the account of Seymour Glass’ suicide. I have left you such a reading because I know for all my unhappiness, Seymour Glass will be infinitely more miserable than I could ever hope to imagine.

This WAS my weekend:

Go to Dartmouth, stay with Ian, see Larissa, Kayla and hopefully Hillary, see the 20 Cent kids and just have a really fun time listening to music, smoking butts and being an overall goof.

But NO, the weather has to fuck with me and ruin everything. So now THIS is my weekend:

Friday: argue with my father all fucking night long
Saturday: get up right after my mother leaves and fill the bath tub with hot water and bubbles, read a book, and smoke a few butts.
Sunday: listen to my parents fight, then argue with them all night long

I’m a regular Zooey Glass.