Stole that title from my math teacher…it’s the name of our project. Lame but whatever. I thrive off being a lame-ass. Mwhahaha. So. Update-a-roo is much needed I think. For once (and Christ knows I say this all the effin time but) I’m really happy. I mean sure, I’m still a little off about the whole Andy thing but I now realize that there was more sexual chemistry between us than emotional. And come to find out, not even good sexual chemistry. It was never “love-making” like he claimed it was…no, it was dirty rotten sex that was quite frankly meaningless. So whatever. For once in my life I’m over it. I feel like Iris in “The Holiday” which everybody in the world should see. I actually have my mother to thank for that one. Actually mum and I have been bonding and getting along increasingly well. It’s great. She acts more like a sister to me now and lets me do my own thing. I mean she’s even letting me go to Dartmouth which she never would have let me done…let’s say even two months ago. She’s getting to be pretty awesome. Hey another good movie to see is “Juno”. Hit really close to home for me, which was really depressing but it also gave me hope. I know that one day I’ll find my very own Bleeker. Hopefully he won’t get me knocked up, but you know what I mean. Even if he did I wouldn’t mind a kid. Ok, maybe just a bit. I need a new pet or something to satisfy my motherly urges. Eesh. Now, where was I going with this entry? No idea now. Dammit! Oh right, how I’m so fucking happy -insert smile-. I’m actually doing pretty well at Middlesex right now. I made a friend in math, her name’s Jinju (she’s from Oregon lucky girl) and we’re actually working on the project together that I mentioned. I met this kid Neil in psychology who seems pretty decent and we totally dominated that class today with our totally awesome and in-depth psych experiment. Sadly it won’t actually be tested (there’s that damn scientist in me again). But yea he’s a Tewsbury kid and I dunno if I’m really ready for that again, you know? I just realized I said the word totally too many times. That’s fucking sad. I’m turning into a valley girl or something like that. Oh well, such is life my friends. Speaking of friends, I think I found one in my English Comp II class. His name’s Brandon. We had to get into these “getting to know your classmates” groups the first week of class and he was in the first group I was in. For some reason he was the only person whose name I could remember. Maybe because he made me laugh and he’s kind of cute. Ok, pretty cute. And I totally get flustered when he says my name. I’m suck a dork. I know he’s a bit older than me, which I’m really cautious of. I’ve only been in one old/younger relationship and well…it wasn’t that much of a relationship. More of a lose your virginity kind of thing. But let’s not get into that. If we only end up being friends, then I’ll accept that. He seems totally rockin’ as a friend. Again with the totally. Fuckin’ shit. But the tummy knots and giddy-ness don’t end there. Come to find out this girl I sort of grew up with is a lesbian. A really really cute lesbian that loves everything I do. I don’t really know how to approach this. I mean, we’re family friends. We started talking at the beginning of fall semester, then things sort of dropped. Now after going through her facebook and myspace (I’m such an internet slut), I think I’m really interested. But how the hell do you go about telling that to…well, anyone? I can’t just message her and be like, “hey haven’t talked in while let’s hook-up”. Plus her mom and my mum are really good friends. How on earth would we explain that to them? Their little angels doing the nasty…oh okay. No nasty. Not for a while. Plus you know, I haven’t been in a real relationship with a girl in a long time. I kind of miss that close companionship yet at the same time I don’t miss the secrecy. Jesus knows my dad would kick me out if he ever found out. Mum would be like “oooh can we march in a gay parade?”. God I love my mum. She even said it was ok if I stayed with Ian (instead of Corrine like my dad thinks). Which brings me to another and the final dose of emotion. Ian. Christ, where to begin? Awesome friend. Probably make an awesome boyfriend. I guess really, I just don’t want to disappoint and I don’t want to hurt him. He means a lot to me, I’m just not 100% sure if what he means to me is in that way. And you know what I mean by that way, right? Right. I honestly just need some time to sort my feelings out and figure out what the hell is going on inside me. Well I should be taking a shower a now instead of sitting here typing out my life. One thing before I go though…little survey thing that I stole from Jen. I think it’d be nice to include it here along with this jumble of updates.
1. I’ve come to realize that, my last ex:
was a big waste of time and was the Ennis to my Jack.
2. I’ve come to realize that, when I talk:
I make no sense.
3. I’ve come to realize that, I love:
life.
4. I’ve come to realize that my friends:
mean the world to me.
5. I’ve come to realize that, I’ve lost:
my drive.
6. I’ve come to realize that, I hate:
guys who think they are the shit.
7. I’ve come to realize that, marriage is:
something that’ll never really happen for me.
8. I’ve come to realize that, somewhere, someone is thinking:
I’m sorry.
9. I’ve come to realize that, I’ll always be:
a strong, independent woman.
10. I’ve come to realize that, I have a crush on:
Ellen Page.
11. I’ve come to realize that, the last time I truly cried was:
over split milk.
12. I’ve come to realize that, my cell phone is:
part of my hand.
13. I’ve come to realize that, when I wake up in the morning:
I’m only happy if it’s Tuesday or Thursday.
14. I’ve come to realize that, before I go to sleep at night:
I must listen to Green Day.
15. I’ve come to realize that, right now I am thinking about:
a million different things.
16. I’ve come to realize that, I got on MySpace:
to keep in touch with friends.
17. I’ve come to realize, that today:
was a really good day because he walked with me to the door.
18. I’ve come to realize, that tonight I will:
not be able to sleep.
19. I’ve come to realize that, school is:
work but I’d rather be working at school than a real job.
20. I’ve come to realize that, tomorrow I will:
be one day closer to Friday.
21. I’ve come to realize that, if I had never entered the world :
then my friends wouldn’t know any dirty hippies.
22. I’ve come to realize that, religion:
is best left at “to each his own”.
24. I’ve come to realize that, without my family I:
would be lost.
25. I’ve come to realize that, true love:
doesn’t really exist.
26. I’ve come to realize:
I need to get over my social anxiety and meet new people.
