Today was wonderful. No bullshit, just two friends doing what they do best: fun.

By the way, I’m adding Maine on the places Amy must live.

I guess it was only a matter of time before I sat down and wrote some real thoughts down. Throughout this whole thing, I’ve been staying pretty positive. I’ve been falling back on the two people that love me most, Sarah and Socrates. I’ve kept  a level head, telling myself that this is indeed for the best. I haven’t even beaten myself up over it. She’s a great girl, so am I but the universe had its plan and that was that. I’m being a good friend, I think. I’m offering my advice, saying that everything will be ok because you know, everything usually is. And I keep telling myself that it really is alright. I’m a strong, independent woman and I don’t need to break down over this. If you really love someone you let them go, right? You make sure that their lives are happy and put together and then worry about your own. Except, I haven’t been worrying too much about mine. The universe has it all worked out for me and I trust that my path will be a long and fulfilling one. I understand that there are many things beyond my control but that is ok because Mother Earth will take care of me. But every now and then I sit down and think. I think about how much this really does hurt. I’m trying to be the bigger and better person but sometimes the hot tears just come even if I don’t want them to. I wonder how many times I have to have my heart ripped out of my chest and left beating on the floor before I can get it right and find someone who I can trust enough and trusts me. I am constantly left asking, “when will it be my turn?”.  And that hurts. Sometimes, it hurts to the point where it kills me just a little each time I think about it. I’m falling, and I wonder if I’ll ever be picked up.

People always ask me why green is my favorite color. The walls of my room are a pastel green. My comforter is a sage green with a leafy design on it. My sheets are either a bright, rainforest green or a dark christmas tree green. My favorite healing book is a fresh green color. The color relaxes me and lifts my spirits. I’ve always wondered why and what exactly all this green in my life means. Usually people associate it with envy or greed. While that is true in some cases, the meaning of the color is a lot more positive.

Life and Renewal:

Green is life. Abundant in nature, green signifies growth, renewal, health, and environment.

Nature of Green:

Green is a restful color with some of the same calming attributes of blue. Like blue, time moves faster in a green room.

Using Green:

With both a warming and cooling effect, the color green denotes balance, harmony, and stability. Use several shades of green for a fresh, Springtime feel.

The Easy Way

I knew a guy
I thought he was my first love
But he had to decide
Between me and the one before
And she stacked it all up
Like a house of cards
Said if he didn’t come back
He’d find her flattened on the floor
And though I went and lived in my own hell
Thought that I could die as well
I let him go where he thought he had to go

‘Cause I never took
Heavy words for granted
And I never took
Undeserved advantage
No I never took
The easy way
So why don’t you take it a little easy on me now?

Today, I am pulling apart my room. Getting rid of things that I don’t want, or have bad memories tied to them. Not only is this part of my annual spring cleaning but it is a way for me to begin my simplification process. I want nothing but good and positive energy in my sleeping space. Besides, if I’m stuck in this house for another year I might as well make the best of it and not only have a room to escape to, but have a peaceful one.

French: B+
Values in American Culture: A
Family in American Lit: A
Life Science: A
Sociology: F

Really Sociology? Really? Not going to lie, I put no effort into that class. I hate hate hated it. But, I still have a 3.2 GPA. Which is fantastic and will be much higher once I delete that grade. So, I am really pleased with how my semester went academically.

Is Tiny Vessels by DCFC our song?

Here are random little thoughts of mine that I feel the need to voice after hanging with some NH kids last night:

1. Stop being such fucking scene girls.
2. Stop talking about how shitty bands like Chiodos and Aiden are good.
3. On that note, don’t talk shit about DMB.
4. Stop freaking out about your damn hair. Who cares if anyone touches it? It looks stupid anyways.
5. If you’re going to bitch about the plans, then just meet us there and don’t bother coming to my house.
6. No, I do not have a fucking tiger on my arm. Do tigers have google eyes and beaks? No.
7. Yes, that was my first time playing pool for real. So what if I suck? I was having fun. That’s what counts.
8. Fuck 18 year olds. Seriously? Get off the trip kids.